I realized a while back that I have a habit of cutting people out of my life. It's not something that I do on consciously, just something that I do. Maybe it's a coping mechanism I developed throughout my life from having too much excess bullshit-I don't know. It had been bothering me lately that it was so easy for me to completely sever ties with people. Especially when some people fought back and tried to hang on. There was a time when I couldn't cut anyone loose and I would hold even those who were detrimental close to my heart because I didn't want to be alone. I thought I didn't deserve better. Now it appears that in the past couple of years I have moved to an entirely different end of the spectrum. Here's the deal: make an impact and I will never let you go.

I realized I'm not doing anything wrong. Just weeding out the unnecessary so that I can pour everything I have into the people who deserve it most.

Not that it matters but I like to pretend that someone in the DA world is silently agonizing because they don't know what's going on in my life. It helps me to sleep at night.

I'm eighteen now, an adult, a grown up, legally free to do whatever the fuck I want and suffer the consequences of doing whatever the fuck I want. I'm having a little bit of trouble adjusting to this fact, it's probably normal(don't tell me it isn't), If my parents offer a suggestion or a dislike with what I am doing I'm like "Whateva, whateva! I do what I want!" but all of the other times I'm thinking "Please mommy, tell me what to do." Unfortunately my parents are avid operators of the whole "tough love" thing and won't help me with anything really. I'm sure I will thank them when I'm older (yeahhh right).

Other than that, I've been going to school. I'm supposed to be working at my uncle's pizza place but that hasn't opened yet because the stupid health department is making a big deal about a few rodents and cockroaches(ha-ha just kidding, the fridge isn't getting cold enough to store perishables). Anyway, I'm getting pretty annoyed with that because I need to pay for a little thing called car insurance and a third of my cell phone bill and also I need to buy myself grievance gifts for having to listen to my mom call me a dead beat loser for not working at said job.

My friends and I saw eleven shooting stars last night. Unless there was a meteor shower (tom-may-toe, tom-mot-toe) in which case I am a huge dummy. Regardless; it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. You better believe I made eleven wishes, all for the same thing but I'm going to need all the help I can get. I’ve been up for twenty-four hours. Did I mention I don’t sleep, almost at all? I don’t think I did. So obviously, last sentence...first paragraph is a blatant lie.


My family is out of town for this weekend which means it's eating ice cream for breakfast, boycotting bathing and walking around in my underpants time. I'm wasting precious time here. Later!

I had a dream the other night that I was straddling a girl with a blurred face throwing punch after punch at her head. She was screaming and crying for mercy but I didn't let up. And then I became conscious of the fact that no matter how hard the hits, no matter how much she cried out in pain there was no blood. I became frustrated and screamed at her; "WHY AREN'T YOU BLEEDING?!?” The punching and the crying and the writhing stopped and she replied; "I don't know, but look at your hands." I turned my hands over surveying my palms that were excreting blood out of every pour. I flipped my hands back over to see that the back were doing just the same. And then I woke up.


"Dream Interpretation Blood, bleeding :


Blood is a symbol of vitality. Seeing a blood in a dream: be careful of other people in different situations. If you are losing blood, it means "weakening" of your energies and frustration at this moment in your life. It is very important to know where you are bleeding. If you see blood on your hands: stop being involved in someone's business. If you see someone else bleeding, you are concerned about your friend. Dreaming about bleeding always points to the emotional wounds that you don't acknowledge."


Seems to be pretty accurate.

"Faces dream interpretation:

Featureless faces suggest that you may feel unnoticed and unappreciated. On the other hand, some believe that the blank or unclear face represents a teacher. That is someone who is there to show and teach you a lesson but you are unprepared for it and the face is blank."

Eh, I don't know about that one.


"Frustration dream interpretation:

Dreaming about being frustrated represents a feeling of being unable to cope with something going on in your life. You are concerned about the direction of your life."

Holla.



Also considering the circumstances in my life around the time of that dream...I was very frustrated with someone and inwardly felt they should pay for what they did or I should have some sort of revenge(for them to "bleed"). I felt guilty for these feelings and struggled with them which in turn made me "bleed" or realize that you never gain anything from revenge or being spiteful. Or something? I'm having difficulty verbalizing. You get it right?